Sunday, August 10, 2014

My Summer Reads

We are Water, by Wally Lamb - I love him.  The characters are so strong and interesting...a ménage a tois if you will.  It has everything...art, love, divorce, kids, angst, fulfillment, history, lesbians, crime, race relations.  But it doesn't feel burdensome like a GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL...it just feels readable and intense and interesting.  And I cared about the characters...

China Dolls by Lisa See...Meh.  I just felt like I was getting a history lesson on Japanese/Chinese relations in San Francisco in the 1930's.  These characters did not have depth or heart.  So sorry Ms. See...

My Life in Middlemarch - speaking of history lessons, I started this book.  Hey, I haven't read Middlemarch since I was in my 20's (which was just a few short hours ago...right?) but this did not make it come alive.  It was like a bad literary history class.  I stopped reading it!  Shocking, cuz I usually muddle through everything.  This? I felt like life was too short.

The Snow Queen by Michael Cunningham...I had a bit of a time staying disciplined while reading this book.  I did a lot of shopping online at the Nordstrom Anniversary sale.  (This 12 dollar book only cost me $1,243 dollars to read.  But hey – I have some Stinky Cute shoes!!!  LOL!)

It's okay, his other stuff is better.  A nice story about two brothers and the young wife dying of cancer, and everyone trying to find themselves.  I've read better. (See above and below.)


Super Fun READ!!!  Download The Attachments by Rainbow Rowell immediately if not sooner!  Such a fun expostulatory novel, if the "letters" were all emails. It is such a fun, blast of a read...conversation between two young women at work about life and relationships...while all their emails are being monitored by the company IT security department.   Read combined with Dave Eggers and The Circle!  One is hilarious, the other is terrifying!  

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Summer Reading Essentials

Back to School, Back to Madness, but this summer?  There were a few good reads…and a few great ones too.  (There were a few “mehs” as well…)

Super fun read:  The Madwoman in the Volvo by Sandra Tsing Loh.  Dear God - it is a crazy ride!  It's a memoir of menopause, leaving her 20 year marriage, raising two young daughters in her 40's (let's just say this part HIT HOME) and emotion.  Super fun read, set in LA so very relatable.  She is raw, real and out there.  I like that in a woman!

I just finished Summer House with Swimming Pool.  Probably the best book of the summer for me.  Well, top 5 for sure.  Gritty stuff, but soooo riveting.  Really explores the relationship between parents and those fucking teen kids!!!  Yikes... it unnerves me, but who can put this shit down? (By the same guy?  The Dinner. Another intense, disturbing story…)

Still Life with Bread Crumbs..it was a quiet and sweet story about a 60 year old coming of age book.  Quite nice HOWEVER I still feel that her highest spot was One True Thing and for me? Nothing has ever hit that mark again.  She is a great writer and so readable.

Off Course by Michele Huneven.  She's a local LA writer and I love that.  Cressida is a grad student who can't finish her PhD (like I can't finish my second book!) and escapes to the mountains and a shitload of twenty something bad choices.  I couldn't put it down...

Early Decision - I LOVED this book.  A page turner and hilarious.  Maybe cuz it speaks to where I am in my life with Blondie being a sophomore and looking at colleges.  It is about a private college counselor helping a group of kids get their college apps together.  I know, sounds boring but IT IS SO GOOD!  And some of the parent characters? They hit a little close to home and it wasn't flattering - LOL!



Casebook by Mona Simpson - Love that it is set in LA and I love a good coming of age story.  This little boy is like Harriet the Spy when it comes to figuring out his parents and their divorce.  It's just delicious and wonderful.  I give it a 9.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

I wrote this a few years ago, but I just read it while I was enjoying (napping) myself in the mountains.  Still true today...we are still classy trailer people.  But of course I never yell at my dogs or my children! #givemeonemomentspeaceplease #andquityouryapping

Connected . . .  Weird

It is effing hot in Palm Springs in the summer.  You think you understand, but unless it is blazing into the 110’s and above . . . uh, you don’t.  And don’t tell me it’s a dry heat either. Cuz Baby, that is a load of crap when it is 123 degrees in the shade!

I now understand why the summer population drops to like 204 people.  (But hey, you don’t need reservations to dine out!)

So we envision our “Vacation Getaway”:  You know, where we unload the car, breathe in the mountain air, and take the kids and the dogs for a walk?  Yeah, that’s the ticket. 

Hey, the stock market had taken a dive, so I thought that we’d be able to sweep in and pick up a lovely mountain cabin for mere chump change.  Baby, we are gonna be in like Flynn – I just KNOW it!

Turns out, I was the chump.

Oh yeah, you can pick a little something up. Of course it was a recently abandoned meth lab which needs “tender loving care” (i.e. calling the  Haz Mat Team). 

And did I mention the “Lake” thing? Turns out if you don’t buy a property with “Lake Rights” you can’t do shit in this place, except maybe stand somewhere and watch Other People boat, fish and swim. #longingly

So we gave up.

Until my husband read an ad in the local paper about a Mobile Home for sale. 

“Uh, I’m not getting a Trailer DUDE!” (Cuz you know, I’m snotty like that.)

Then he read me the price. Which INCLUDES Lake Rights. And a dock.

What? Holy Cow! Mecca Baby – Kids, get your coats, we’re going for a drive!

Then we got there.  The trailers were kinda close together, so I was worried about people hearing my constant yelling at my kids, you know, so they wouldn’t bother the neighbors. 

Or, yelling at the flipping dogs to shut up. So we’d be the people with the loud kids and the barking dogs and the harridan that was always YELLING at everyone.

Shit, all I needed was a cigarette hanging out of one side of my mouth while I yelled.  (I want you to know, I quit smoking cigarettes out of one side of my mouth DECADES ago!)

Then we find this one little trailer, all by itself, on a hill. And I had heart palpitations.

Cuz I could yell and my kids and my dogs and no one would call Social Services OR the SPCA.

But what really sold me? It had a little outside shower . . . I have some bizarre, unnatural love of bathing outdoors.  Claustrophobia mixed with a healthy dose of exhibitionism and there you go.   I was sold.

So we bought this little Trailer in the woods, bought a tempurpedic bed and lots of bright colored paint and carved out a little piece of nirvana.

And this weird thing has happened to us in this 700 square foot place. If you leave your shoes out,  it creates a Level 5 Hoarding situation. 

But oddly enough, we feel more connected as a family in this tiny little place. 

We can hear each other breathe, uh . . ., all the time.  We can hear the kids playing down in the creek.  We take walks together.

There is no Wii, but we did get Satellite. (I didn’t say I was a Saint, did I?) 

And there is fishing (May I just say: Thank God for the Kindle, cuz that fishing shit is BORING.)

There is something precious about being snowed in, and something magical about being out on the deck in the summer. 

And when we go back to our big ricocheting lives in Palm Springs, we yearn for our time together in the mountains.

Weird, right?



Thursday, July 10, 2014

The key to a GREAT summer? Why it’s the same way one survives parenthood. Martinis.

Here’s a few summer ‘tini recipes for you…not that I partake in alcoholic beverages often…#lying

Warning:  I like ‘em a bit sweet.  If you don’t, hey, you can make a martini with vermouth, and throw in a couple of olives on your own.  You don’t need my help for that!

Want to be all cultured and cosmopolitan? (By “Cosmopolitan” I mean worldy…not the drink on Sex and the City.  But that would be a great summer cocktail too!)


French Martini                    
1 1/2 oz vodka           
1/4 oz Chambord
1/4 oz pineapple juice
Garnish with lemon twist

Using summer fruit…well, not really the fruit, but hey…peach schnapps counts as a serving of fruit, doesn’t it?

Peach Martini         
1 oz vodka      
1 oz peach schnapps
1 oz cranberry juice
Splash Orange Juice

This isn’t cocktail…it’s an event.  I’d keep typing but I might need a little “Orange Julius” break.
Orange Julius           
1/3 cup frozen Orange Juice
1/3 cup vanilla ice cream
3 oz vanilla vodka
1 1/2 oz Grand Marnier

This Cantaloupe Martini is super easy, has no cantaloupe in it and tastes amazing.  Whip up a pitcher and lay out a melon baller.  People will think you were muddling cantaloupes all day.  (Note to self:  don’t say “muddling cantaloupe” in a sentence ever again.)

Cantaloupe Martini
2 oz vodka
2 oz OJ
2 oz Marie Bizzard Watermelon liquor

This is my favorite summer drink…but watch it…it can be sweet.  Which is all good, right? #yummy

 
 
Pear Martini
1/2 cup pear vodka
1 tbsp  Disaronno
1 tbsp  simple syrup
2 tbsp 7 up
Splash lemon juice

We used to drink these at the St. Regis on Dana Point.  You know, while making pretend we were part of the Real Housewives of Orange County…(Note to self:  call for more botox immediately.)

Key Lime Martini
1.5 oz vanilla vodka
.5 oz simple syrup
1 oz lime juice
Splash of sweet and sour
Whipped cream on top
Shake all together and pour!!!
Cinnamon and sugar on the rim

Got a favorite?  Share it, PLEASE! Cuz Martini-Lovers gotta stick together!


Happy Cocktailing!  Love, Dee Dee

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Recovery Reading List

 
Hey, if you follow me on Twitter you may know (and if you don’t-- why the hell not?  Oh, you have a life, well, ok…) that I’ve been recovering from leg and foot surgery.  Hey, I wish it were a face lift, or something glamorous, or something that involved vacuuming out my middle section, but no, just trying to be able to walk. . .that pesky “one foot in front of the other” thing.
 
So I thought I’d give you my latest summary of books I’ve read.  This is not to be confused with a piece of literary criticism, more like the ravings of an overly isolated person who doesn’t have the mojo to reach for the remote.

 
 
Bridget Jones – Mad about The Boy by Helen Fielding
 
This was actually light and fun, yet not too light and fun.  Hey, Ms. Fielding makes me laugh out loud, what can I tell you?  I’m a sucker for that stuff about the calorie counts and the number of drinks.  What’s not to love about a tally of sex thoughts for the day.  Not that I identify.  You gotta love the English spelling of the word “Diarrhoea” used in conjunction with the word “erupted.”  Sorry, I’m a bit primal these days myself.
 
I give it an 8 out of 10 on the enjoyment and held-my-attention scale.  Just fun.  Beach or plane read.




 
The Circle by Dave Eggers. 
 
A 10.  I give this a 10.  Can I do an 11?
 
Hey, if you do follow me on Twitter or FB or use any kind of device, this book is riveting and harrowing at the same time.  It is the story of being “wired” going just a step too far. 
 
I’ve never read Dave Eggers before and now I think he is a mad genius.  And I’m slightly in love with him.  This book is big, bold, brave and I COULDN’T PUT IT DOWN.  The protagonist is this 20-something, Google-type chick who loses herself in the world of “connectedness.”
 
It’s big, meaty and important.  It is Contemporary Literary Fiction. . .and it is good anyway!  Hah!  Read it, then tweet me!  Or nod to me, or something.
 
 
The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton
 
Oh Dear God: This book received the Mann Booker Prize for Literary Fiction. This always meant to me, “Ah, an important book for our times.”  Let me tell you, that is NOT a good recommendation today.  This book has been written up EVERYWHERE and raved about.
 
Well, I’m raving, but it ain’t good. 
 
850 pages.  And by the time I was finished and the “mystery” had been solved?  I no longer gave a shit about who did it and why.
 
Really, has no one heard of an editor?  (I do realize perhaps I need one here!)
 
The gold rush in New Zealand, or wherever the hell it takes place doesn’t interest me anyway, but 850 pages on it?  There isn’t enough character development to make me want to do this again. 
 
But please, read the book and let me know your opinion.  Or save yourself a week of your life and watch “Justified” and “House of Cards.“  But comment anyway, cuz I’m needy like that.
 
I give it a 5.  Cuz I made the effort.  And it was herculean.
 
  
The View from Penthouse B by Elinor Lipman
 
I do love an Elinor Lipman novel.  This was a lovely tale of two sisters, one married to a Bernie Madoff-type guy, the other a young widow, making it work in NY.  Add the lovely gay roommate and it is just a lovely, warm, engaging read.
 
I give it an 8.  You will enjoy or if not? Come over and step on my foot.  My bad foot.
 
 
 
  

 

The Virgins by Pamela Erens

This is a typical, angst-filled, coming-of-age in a boarding school tale of young love.  Hey, what’s not to love about THAT description???
 
Totally readable, if you like that kind of thing, which I do.  Not powerful, riveting or life changing-- just a read.
 
Can I tell you a secret?  When I looked at the cover of this book on my iPad, I couldn’t immediately remember the story, which could be a statement about me or the novel.  Take your pick.
 
I give it a 6.5.  (And a 2.7 for memorability.)
 
  
The Signature of All Things by Elizabeth Gilbert.
 
Look, it’s the Eat, Love, Pray author, writing a long novel about botany.  And feminism. And a woman coming of age. . . and a woman who really can’t come of age. Because it’s set in the 1800s.   It is sad, long, readable, empowering.  Good to read in companion with Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg.  Cuz all you want to do is scream at this woman to leave the flipping moss alone and LIVE.  “LEAN IN, SISTER!”
 
But oddly enough despite the rather odd and unnatural obsession with moss? Quite readable.  So I give it an 8.
   
Ending on a high note (To be read in operatic singing style)
 
 
The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt 
This is the book of the year.  The. Book. Of. The. Year.
 
Delicious, amazing, riveting, accessible – everything a truly great book should be.  You will look at the world (acts of terrorism, art, stolen art, relationships) differently.  And you should.  And you will love the ride, cuz this is some amazing writing.  And if you haven’t read her other book, Secret History, then I am giving you a double present-- cuz I’m awesome like that.
 
This is the incredible story of a boy’s journey and love and relationships and the love for a Mama.  It is so much more mind-bending than a typical “coming-of-age” story; it is a story for our times.  I love this protagonist.  You won’t forget this one, no matter what kind of memory issue you have on a daily basis.  Now, why am I standing in this room again?
  
I give it a flipping 12! Hah-- take that scale of 1 to 10.  Ms. Tartt – I love you.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 







 

 

Sunday, February 2, 2014




Chemical Peel 

So last year, I go to the waxing lady, whom I love.  Which is odd, cuz she does pour hot wax on my special girl parts then RIPSSS.  And once you aren't a firm 20-something anymore (OK, so you aren't a firm 40-something anymore either, dammit.  And by "you" I do mean ME!), anyhow when it RIPPSS all your business comes along for the ride.
 
So she keeps saying to me: “We need to give you a chemical peel”, which sounds okay when she is pulling wax off your special places, but sounds less appealing when she is actually finished.
 
She keeps bringing it up and I keep saying: “Sure! Maybe someday.”
 
Then I go to the dermatologist, where they have the gall to tell me I have a lot of sun damage to my skin.  I've never been more insulted. (The truth is irrelevant here.)
 
 You know Dr. Dermatologist, if you want my business you might start out by COMPLIMENTING me! And then tell me how much prettier I could be if I spent more money with you! Ha!
 
So to punish the dermatologist, I set an appointment for a chemical peel with the waxing lady instead.
 
I try to cancel the appointment three times.  She won't let me.
 
I come in and say: “You know what?  I’m really busy today – (even though it’s Saturday).  I've changed my mind.  But I'll still pay for the appointment.”
 
She forces me up on the table.  
 
I giggle nervously.
 
I lie down and she starts to put the "solution" on my face.  
 
I sit back up.  I say “I've given it a great deal of thought, but I'm thinking only one coat of that stuff is enough.”
 
She puts her hand on my forehead and yanks me back down. 
 
As she is wiping, and I am fanning (and kicking my legs, and taking hyperventilation-type deep breaths and humming in a high-pitched way that is making dogs three miles away start to howl) I am pretty sure I've made some type of grave error.
 
Finally she lets me get up and run around the room.
 
She proudly holds up a mirror to my face to show me the "great" results and then I really start to scream!
 
I am all white, and crispy and frosty.  Like I've been out in a snow drift and have actually lost several toes.
 
Uh...can I pay you double to undo this? Can we make it go away?  Wailing louder: Do you have a time machine cuz I really wish I hadn't done this!!!
 
So really?  I paid someone to pour acid on my face, like that poor man who was the director of the Bolshoi Ballet.  Except he was a victim of a horrible crime.  I, on the other hand, made an appointment and wrote a check for this.
 
Switching gears…and not to let a shopping opportunity pass me by no matter what else is happening, I stop by the hat store and pick up three hats. Because I’m like the guy in Phantom of the Opera, except without the flipping mask thingie.   Let’s just say, I’m hideous.
 
But little do I know, but the hats are really NOT going to be helping me much that week.
 
So I go home to my family.
 
And we wait.
 
And as we wait, I get browner and browner. 
 
And more swollen and more swollen.
 
I am so tight, and stiff and swollen that I can't eat.  (OK, this is a total lie.  I manage to eat, but it does crack all the skin around my mouth to do so. )
 
I am however, just barely able to get my lips around a glass.  Whether or not there is a martini in “said glass” hardly seems to be relevant.  (Or does it?)
 
We get up to go to church.  (Don't think me too pious.  It is Easter morning.)  I put on a cute frock, a scarf, a hat and mirrored sunglasses.  
 
My family sits in a separate pew.
 
Well, it is going to be a week of quiet time.  You know, quiet reflection, time out of the spotlight, time to really knock the work out, here at home.  
 
But what it really is?  
 
It is a time to be narcissistically self-obsessed.  I take 100 photos of myself (I can’t bear to use the term “selfie” here) and text them to my friends saying:  I'm so HIDEOUS!  Then I run to the mirror 50 times a day to find out what on earth is happening NOW.
 
What IS happening now you might ask?
 
After four days of regret and fear and loathing…
 
I have a skin like a baby’s bottom.  Hopefully minus the mess you usually find on said bottom.
 
Signed, Greta Garbo – For a week!

Thursday, December 19, 2013


Holiday 2013…

We came. We saw. We conquered. We yelled. We napped.  We had martinis.  That’s the story of 2013 in a nutshell.  Merry Christmas.

Details? You can’t possibly want more details?   Well, I’ll give them even if you don’t want them.  (Warning – you may want to stop reading here and just enjoy the pictures!)

This year we were grateful for our mini-van cuz it turns out you can fit SEVEN band kids and six LARGE instruments in it.  And hey! Only one of the kids had to ride on the roof!

Our brand new high school daughter got a scholarship for two weeks to a Youth Symphonic Band Camp.  It was so exciting; except for the part where there was a giant forest fire and they had to evacuate the entire camp for four days…other than that? She had a solo and a time at first chair during the final performance. All those sax lessons and Tylenol-for-Mama started paying off.  #kleenexneeded

Turns out our little Blondie? She's a musical hoarder...This year, she is playing Alto Sax. soprano sax (seems good by me), piano (this is required in our house – you know, I model myself on the Tiger Mom) and violin. We made her quit the clarinet…there’s only so much one family can handle.  Add in guitar and the worst sounding trombone ever and you've got the picture. 
And her special gift to us? A love of percussion instruments. #boomboomboom

The Taxman is now an official band dad.  Me? I hide a lot during band performances. #notdoingit

Glowie is over the moon, cuz she now has a little doggie of her own.  The dog has had 22 names, but it appears we have settled on Coco Chanel.  I see pearls and little black dresses in her future.  By “her” I am referring to Glowie AND Coco’s future!

Our little Glowie had such a great time as Alice in Alice in Wonderland.  That shit lights you up! So she went to sleepway camp (cuz I’m no fool!) and did Stunt Camp.  Stunt camp? You may ask what kind of mother sends a 48 pound child to stunt camp?  Well, it would be the mother that ended up meeting the ambulance at the Emergency Room when Glowie was ambulanced down the mountain after “landing wrong” from an 18 foot jump off a scaffold. All’s well that ends well, but we are still waiting for the final ambulance bill. #expensivetriptocamp


Glowie is in 5th grade and I love walking her to school every day…just us and the doggies.  It’s our Norman Rockwell Family moment.  Well…at least if you catch us on a morning when I’m not yelling about dog poop, picking up shoes and “how can you not know that there are 52 weeks in a year!?”

This has been a golden year in our family: both our daughters are maturing and becoming more responsible.  What this really means is: we can now leave them alone on Saturday nights so we can have our Date Night with dinner and a cocktail.  (Or two.)  Now THAT makes all the parenting-angst seem worth it!  Well, at least on Saturday nights!

We love the mountains. This year we added a boat.  The taxman and the girls loved it.  There was a lot of water skiing and fun lake trips.  By “fun” I do mean trips where I stayed home.  I found that bouncing and flying over the wake in the lake, gave me post-traumatic stress syndrome from having had my second spinal fusion surgery only one year ago.  Somehow I couldn’t get behind the “YIPPEE” thing as everyone’s bottoms flew out of the boat seats.  Me?  I prefer swimming.  Or napping on the couch while everyone else goes boating!  Yeah, THAT worked!



New York BABY!  We are not very adventuresome…but this year, we went to New York so I could be on the Today Show with our beloved friend Dorothy.  Al Roker and Natalie Morales were quite lovely, but dammit…I didn’t get to plug my book.  WICKED on Broadway, horse drawn carriage rides, the Subway, fine dining, street hot dogs, pedi-cab rides (the thrill there is surviving to actually tell about it later), MOMA and just a lot of stuff where you throw $20 dollar bills at people without stopping, all day long.  We had so much fun and it was worth every penny, or should I say “dollar”? #dollarS

I read Lean In and started saying: “Yes” to leadership opportunities.  Now? I have less time for napping, but dammit, I’m a good example of a harried, over-stressed mother/business owner and now – public servant.

I hang with a group of Really Cool Broads in a Women’s Leadership group I started.  Best idea ever, after getting another Brazilian Blowout.  (You can start one too, just ask a few women you admire and voila – you’ve got a group.  And you can rotate dinner – even better.)



While you are conjuring up images of sleek hair and other Norman Rockwell moments (local football games anyone?) Did I mention that my daughters both suffer from an impairment that prevents them from picking up their own shoes?  Oh, and Blondie is moody? Did I mention that I am short tempered?  Glowie can be, shall we say, “persistent”.  Did I mention that we do a lot of family therapy? 



And that stuff works for us.  So on that note, we toast you and we say…”we’ll drink to THAT!”

Happy New Year!!



Sunday, November 24, 2013


Dee Dee’s Guide to Palm Springs


Restaurants
·         Tropicale Dining and Lounge – Best Bar Food in PS.  Great restaurant too, but if I can get all my needs met at the bar?  All the better.  I love the wedge, the sliders and the Vietnamese spring rolls.  (760) 866-1952. Amado Rd, Palm Springs
·         Jakes – Tell them Dee Dee sent you.  Easy and always delicious – lunch and dinner.  Great, casual, really sweet, outdoor setting, intimate but still has a great vibe! (760) 327-4400
·         Jaio/Birba/Cheekys – all three owned by the same awesome woman.  This is some great food!  Birba – have the Tri-color salad with the braised greens pizza, then see if you don’t love me even more!!  Oh, and get a Hello Nancy – some grapefruit cocktail that is so yummy going down. 
·         Farm to table fresh Vienemese Food – holy crap, this stuff is great!!!  I promise.
·         Cheekys – always a wait, but worth it for the best breakfast ever.  That bacon? Dear God…the best thing EVER!!!  (760) 327-5678
·         Miro’s – off the beaten path – over by Steinmart.  The best stroganoff you will ever eat.  Goulash, this bell pepper with feta cheese dish…As always, we eat ours in the bar.  (760) 323-5199
·         Johannes – a two-top in the bar….heaven! Get the seafood ménage…yum…Escargot too!  (760) 778-0017
·         The Falls is my favorite dining spot – Upstairs on Palm Canyon – you see all the action go by.  Get a steak and even better?  The Martini’s bubble.  Ask for Desiree and tell her Dee Dee sent you.  She’ll whip you up a Cesar Salad at the table like nobodies business.  We LOVE that stuff.
·         Purple Palm – prettiest outdoor view in all of PS!  Dinner out by the pool…Ask for Brian to be your server.  We love him!  (760) 969-1818

Services
·         DryCleaner – CleanDry, picks up and delivers  - (760) 666-9880.  Dennis is the owner and so nice.
·         Nail Salon – Five Star up by Vista Chino (760) 322-7888 or, for convenience sake? Sunshine nails by Shermans (760) 320-1227.
·         Dog Groomer – Gypsy Groomers , Mobile Groomers - (760) 883-0275.  They come to the house.  They love the dogs and you will love the dogs more when they leave!!!
·         Hair Salon – Brien O’Brien Salon, N. Palm Canyon - (760) 778-0333.  Brien is the owner and the place if fab! Professional, helpful, you will be so pleased – I guarantee it.  Tell him Dee Dee sent you. 

·         Waxing/facials - Salon 119, Nikki - (760) 218-7590.  She takes care of business, if you know what I mean!!!

Sunday, October 13, 2013


Back to School G Forces

What the hell is it about Back to School?

Why is this so demanding of our family?

I’M not going back to school.

I don’t need to find cute clothes that fit-in with my peer group.

Though I do think I should add a pair (or two) of Back to School shoes to my wardrobe, dammit.  (Hello Michael Kors. I love you.)

I thought I deserved some sort of medal for the Back to School shopping.  For those of you who enjoy Target and the Mall right before school starts? Well, I envy resent you.

And all the calendar requests dinging through. 

I feel like I’m in a rocket ship and my jowls are flapping up around my ears.

Every day.

Morning, noon and night.

I don’t know if it is because my advocacy work is all education focused and that all fires up at the same time?

Sept 15 and October 15th are major deadlines in our Accounting Firm?

Cuz in Palm Springs everyone hides until summer is over and now summer is over?

(Just in case you are wondering, summer did almost kill me.  Oh, you weren’t wondering?)

Back to School nights, getting to know you meetings, playground issues, Marching Band, tutoring sessions, first projects, first assignments and my little Glowie?  She’s in the fifth grade and HAS FORGOTTEN EVERY SINGLE MULITIPLICATION TABLE.  Okay, not every one.  She knows the zeros, ones and twos.  #shit

So that’s it? 

People who scoff, and say:  you can’t be THAT busy.  Come to our event.  Why,  I want to shoot them.  (Which is why I believe in gun control.)

People who say… it’s just a couple of hours…I feel so misunderstood.

And please.  PLEASE don’t comment about my lack of grooming these days.  That shit? Out the window.

Now the first appointment I AM going to make when I catch my breath?

Mama needs some filler.  A few syringes of restalyne to fill those jowls in and keep them where they belong.

Under my chin.

In my martini glass.

My ears?  I’ll save them for some nice dangly earrings, thank you very much.







Sunday, September 1, 2013


Hawaiian Bread is a Gateway Drug



OMG!  That Hawaiian Bread stuff!!!

We had lunch with some friends in the mountains this summer and the mom made these DELICIOUS little sandwiches on Hawaiian Bread.

Let me just say, I don’t want to be known as the piggy guest, but SHE DIDN’T MAKE ENOUGH OF THEM!!!

My daughters and I grab these seemingly innocuous sandwiches off the plate, put them in our mouths thoughtlessly, (hey, we were at the lake – we had other things to do!) and KABOOM!

Blondie and I? Our eyes met.  Our eyes lit up.  And we both said:  MMMmmmm, yummy.

Glowie? Hey – she actually ATE a sandwich, which is always an amazing thing.

And then? It was like driving over a cliff.

That melt in your mouth, soft, soft, soft bread! Why the sweet, light taste of it.

Why it is like the Cotton Candy of Bread!!! Light, airy, sweet and it melts in your mouth!

This stuff is a GateWay Drug. 

Why? You may ask?  Because once you’ve had that scrumptious, tender, Hawaiin bread you, well, you start to … experiment.

You know – Tuna sand with a bit of mayo.  (FYI – Tastes yummy!)

How about with a bit MORE of mayo? (FYI – Tastes so much better!)

I asked myself: “Why do we buy Orowheat Whole Wheat bread?  What was I thinking?”

In case you don’t try to eat healthy, Orowheat Whole Wheat bread?  You could use it as a club to knock home invaders unconscious.

Eat that stuff and you will never have a problem with “regularity” again.

And by healthy – I mean dry and cardboard tasting.  But hey – I’m commited to good health.  (Or am I?)

We got home and I said: “Hey, why don’t WE buy some of that Hawaiian Bread.”

My girls were giddy with the wildness of the idea.

“Mommy, WE could actually BUY that special bread?”

Yep.  Get in the car.

Since then?

Basketfuls of the stuff.

And I’m not talking about that modest hand basket you can pick up at the entrance of the grocery store.

No, I mean the actual shopping cart.  Filled.  With Hawaiian Bread.

Who knew?

It comes in little rolls, big giant honkin’ slabs, dinner roll size…you name it – you can get it.

And then you find out they have Hot Dog Buns!

And can we just digress a little bit about the hot dog bun ones?

Since we had these little hot dog bun sized rolls (Hey – they were on special that day.  OK, they weren’t but that was the lie I told to justify coming home with 5 packages of Hawaiian bread for a family of 4.  Really a family of 3.5 cuz Glowie doesn’t eat much.) it seemed like a good idea to have hot dogs.

Yum. Yum.

Hot dogs in those buttery, soft, melt in your mouth rolls!

“Why, no.  I don’t think it’s a bad idea to have two.  As a matter of fact Mommy would like another one also.”

Every day? Well, we need something for lunch, right? Or after school snack, right? Or lunch AND after school snack, right?

And then there were all the amazing ideas of things you could do with these delicious buns. 

Make sandwiches with LOTS of mayonnaise.  Cuz, hmmm.  How good would THAT taste? (Turns out – pretty damned good!)

Sadly, as with any addiction, you do hit rock bottom.  (Heavy emphasis on “bottom” for this part of the story…)

I did my Back to School Weigh-In.

“Kids! Mommy has some bad news.”

“No.”

“No one died. But you may take this pretty hard.”

There will be no more Hawaiian Bread in this house.

No, no.

It is back to school.

Back to eating healthy.

Back to Oro Wheat Whole Wheat Bread.

(Yes, we can get a little handcart to roll that Whole Wheat bread from the car to the kitchen.)

So there I am…Throwing out my temptation.  The tiny dinner rolls, the big giant slab of deliciousness, the – gulp- hot dog buns…

Then the withdrawals hit… The crying, shaking, flashes of hot and cold.  Well really just hot. Oh wait, that may not be the Hawaiian Bread.  Shoot, I digress.

Again, the crying, the calling out –No, Please, NOOO!

Oh and the kids took it really hard too.

Cuz there is no reason that Back to School shouldn’t represent the end of everything good in the world.

#Bread12StepNeeded