Sunday, October 24, 2010

Halloween. Wait. What?!?

Halloween – Wait, What???

Halloween checklist:

Order costumes.

Wait, don’t order costumes until I find a discount coupon.

Wait, Glowie has changed her mind 10 times. What flipping costume DO I order?
(For those of you who creatively make your own costumes at home? I honor you, and secretly resent you.)

Think about actually taking them to one of those Halloween stores.

Nah, look for the online coupon.

Order cupcakes for the Classroom party. (I order them from Albertsons. What? Some people actually BAKE the cupcakes?)

Wait, what about my costume? Nothing in the garage “old costume” bins fit anymore. (Thank you Menopause…your gifts just keep on coming.) Wait, I can still fit into the Mrs. Potts costume. Oh, wait, with the hot flashes THAT is not going to work.

Enter “Plus Size Costume” into my search engine.

Go to Costco and buy sunscreen. Cuz Halloween in Palm Springs is like nothing you’ve ever experienced. (By “never experienced” I do mean: Hot as Hell.)

While I’m there, get the Halloween candy. Try to get things I hate (sweet tarts) so I don’t inhale it all before the actual Trick or Treaters arrive at the door.

(Sorry Kids, Mommy is menopausal, too fat for her old costumes, too hot to wear Mrs. Potts and as it turns out? Very, very hungry.)

Now that I have kids at two different schools, how will I be in two places at once? Well, the older ones, they probably aren’t doing school parties.

Whatever costume I order, I have to be able to wear it with tennis shoes, cuz I always help with the Costume Parade.

Camera. Check.
Video Camera. Check.
Safety pins. Check.
Valium. Check.

Wait. WHAT???

HALLOWEEN IS ON A SUNDAY????????????????????????????

I think I hear angels singing . . .Thank you, Sweet Jesus. No school. No parade. No cupcakes. No uber-sweating.

Just trick or treating. AT NIGHT. (No sunscreen!!!)

Hello Mrs. Potts.


  1. Went to one of those Halloween costume stores the other day. For the love of heaven, don't take a couple of little girls in there. Fredrick's of Hollywood has nothing on the costumes these days. I think they are all designed by men. Perverted ones, who think we should all be starring in porno films. I thought that was pretty bizarre considering that I live in conservative Utah where the average women is size 14! I can't imagine what the Palm Springs one would be like.


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