Saturday, June 1, 2013

Traveling comes so easily to me…aka I’m a liar.

Traveling.  That’s like driving to LA from Palm Springs right?

Top the gas tank, charge the devices, and put some extra ativan in the purse.

We have these friends.  I won’t name them. (Bitter-Warning inserted here.)

But they know who they are, they and their two kids.

They are world-wide travelers. (Eye-roll inserted here.)

·         Europe! Almost every year!

·         Paris,Tuscany

·         Manhattan, Washington DC.

·         The Grand Canyon

You get the picture.

And then there’s us.

Here’s our travel itinerary for the past 8 years:

·         The local mountains.

We stay in a trailer.  There is no Chanel atelier.  We BBQ.

There is beer.

And floatie rafts on the lake.  With a special hole in them to carefully place said beer.

And when we are feeling fancy?

There’s wine.  With a screw top.

So let’s discuss packing now that we are on route for our big New York trip!!! 

Packing. It is hard for me to type that word and not have a little bit of pee leak out.

So my plan?

I order a rolling, sturdy, stainless steel clothing rack from Amazon.  And yes, I pay the $15 upgrade for next day shipping.

And then I put everything in my closet on the rack.  To pack.  You know?

I mean there was editing.  I left off the flapper dress and disco queen dress (yes, in Queen size) and a fuchsia boa from Halloweens past.

I mean, I’m a classy person and I’m going to Manhattan for Christ’s Sake.

So I’m pretty sure my entire wardrobe of Resort Bold Floral Print Casual will totally fit in Midtown, right?

And? Cuz I’m so organized? I roll that puppy from room to room collecting everything from my daughters’ closets.

Oddly enough, the children are cowering in the corner of the living room, because the frightening vibration of the overloaded clothing rack has made them think we are sustaining a 6.1 earthquake. 

“Kids”, I say in a high pitched tone, “everything is fine.  FINE!!!  Mommy is just having a hot flash!”

And a flipping panic attack.

“Mommy is PACKING!!!”

Oh wait, maybe I could roll this right onto the plane. 

“I’ll be passing on check-in luggage today, thank you so kindly.”

Cuz really…don’t you know who I am? (Swinging boa around neck haughtily.  Ok, I lied.  I did bring it.)

I’m The Dee View, from Palm Springs – the queen of all things Plus-Size fashion.  (Bigger clothes…bigger suitcases Baby!)

You know…me and Michael Kors. (Another Queen of Plus-Size fashion.)

And the real question is…how will I pack my floatie thing…and my six-pack of beer?

Cuz I may need them in Manhattan.  Right?

1 comment:

  1. Hey, we DO know who we are. And, for the record, Europe is every-other-year in a good decade. Enjoy NYC!


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