Sunday, March 28, 2010
Mrs. Mommy – Can I see you for a minute?
Here is what I hate. Going to school to pick up my kids and the teacher says:
I’m so glad you are here.
Uh, you are? I’m just here picking up my kid.
I’m sure YOUR daughter has informed you of the SITUATION.
The Situation? What Situation? (I start feeling a little uncomfortable and oddly defensive or oddly uncomfortable and a little defensive.)
Does this have something to do with the project I’m supposed to be running for the class? Cuz I’ve been a little bit behind (ah, thank you Twitter) but I’ll totally get to it … This week? (Oh wait, tomorrow is Follow Friday.) Next week?
Are you unaware of the SITUATION in the room involving your child?
Uh…totally unaware, it appears.
Then the “surprise” conference takes place. The same drill: she hasn’t been turning in her homework; she has been disrupting class; she has no respect for authority. (The whole time I am SO happy that no one has yet mentioned inappropriate use of the “F” word. As though there MIGHT be an appropriate use for a 7 year old anywhere.)
I just know when I drive home after the “I’m glad you are here, we have a SITUATION” conference, I am filled with shame. As though I have done something wrong. Is it that Little Chair thing, the teacher standing and speaking while I sit in the little chair, my ass hanging over both sides? Cuz I find sitting in the little chair hearing about the SITUATION brings back some painful flashbacks.
After working through the flashback part, I move ahead to being pissed off at the person who is responsible for my sitting in the little chair. The person responsible for the SITUATION.
Then there are the threats Clean up this behavior cuz if I ever get blindsided by the teacher again you’ll be picking up dog poop for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. (As though someone else was actually going to pick up the dog poop.) You’ll never wear fake nails again, for as long as you live!
Followed quickly by the motivational speech. You can do it, you are smart, you are an awesome kid, you CAN control yourself. (This isn’t dysfunctional right? This isn’t the first sign of a bipolar diagnosis is it?)
Cuz I find sitting on those little tiny chairs hearing some unexpected bad news from a grade school teacher, must bring back some painful flashbacks. You know, when I was the one not turning in homework, disrupting the other kids, unable to keep my hands to myself etc.
Like mother, like daughter.