Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Fuck You Mr. Doctor

So I need to see a doctor . . . it’s urgent. I have Crohn’s Disease. Had it forever. Having abdominal pain – never a good sign.

So this doctor, whom I have seen once (my other, NICE doctor, moved) runs a really efficient practice. Practically no wait times. I’ll put up with a lot to get in and our without waiting. (Clearly there may be an actual reason why there is no wait time . . .)

So when I needed this guy, he came at me with both barrels smoking. Instead of a “hello”, or “I see this is an emergency appointment we have for you today, what’s going on?”, this guy opened the door and bellowed: We are going to have to see whether or not I can even treat you!

Uh. . . I’m sorry. Can I just get a Cat Scan first before we have our big second date fight? I’m worried about losing what little bit of a colon I have left . . .

Turns out, while I waited for his office to decide whether or not they could see me within the WEEK (Hello – Crohn’s!? Abdominal Pain!? Medical Chart 4 inches thick!?)

I had asked my internist (whom I had seen just a couple days prior – love him) to order me a white count, to see if I had any infection running away in my body.

This full-of-shit Doctor (who’s office didn’t even know if they would be able to “contact doctor” today) was fit to be tied that I had “gone around his back” and “ordered my own blood work”. I wasn’t allowing him to practice good medicine. (Cuz yelling? That’s some really good medicine there. Thank God all my other doctors missed the special “yelling class” at medical school.)

And man, he let me know how I had not ordered the full compliment of tests that he needed. Again, I’m sorry Mr. Yelling Doctor…just needed to know if I had another perforated bowel. So sorry to be pesky like that.

To deflect his anger and disappointment I said: I am happy to go get any other test you think I need. He then castigated me about my safety and health in getting two blood draws in a day. (Uh, I’ve had multiple blood draws in a day, many times. I’ve had nurses try to start IV’s up to 10 times. I ain’t afraid of no blood draw. But you? You are scaring the shit out of me. (Oops. Bad Crohn’s joke.)

He even vilified my internist (aka The Good Doctor) saying why didn’t he communicate with me? (Cuz it appeared no one knew where you were.)

Well, I felt like sobbing. But I didn’t. Cuz I’m brave like that.

I felt like defending myself and my other doc. Which I did. Cuz I’m defensive like that.

But I had my eye on the prize. I could hate this guy every day for the rest of my life, but FIRST, I had to be a Good Girl, and get that CAT SCAN ordered, cuz for me? That test is literally the sign of life or death.

Once the Cat Scan had been ordered, I decided to tell Mr. Doctor that he kinda scared me, and I’m sorry he was upset, but I was operating off the info his office had provided me. I was trying to take care of myself while I waited for his office to let me know if he could see me.

He said: There are no other patients like you. Patients come in, tell the doctor their symptoms, then ask the doctor what HE should do next. (I swear to God, this guy is barely 40 years old – he’s not some ancient, doddering old dude practicing medicine in a small town in the 1940’s.)

Again, he let me know that the “team approach” to medicine was unheard of. And just to be sure, he said again: there are no patients like you.

Well Mr. Doctor. Here is what I have to say to you, (which btw, I am actually too big of a pussy to actually say):

First: Fuck you Mr. Doctor.

Second: Mr. Doctor. I have had Crohn’s disease for 30 years. I have worked with the world’s most preeminent doctors in this field at Cedar Sinai. There are no other doctors like you. I have never heard of a doctor that doesn’t welcome a “team approach” to practicing medicine.

Doctors who berate patients (before saying hello) are not practicing medicine. They are practicing their own version of I’m-insecure-and-will-meet-my-fucked-up-psychological-needs-by-controlling-sick-people. I wouldn’t let you treat a feral cat. (Or actually, maybe I would, cuz I’m pretty sure the cat would win. And I would like that.)

BTW, thanks for the Cat Scan. I found a new doctor. He practices a freakish kind of medicine. He listens to the patient. He promised to take care of me.

(I wanted to offer to bear him children, but I’m old, infertile and he ain’t no youngster himself.)

That new guy? He’s my kinda doctor. You? You are a bully, a meanie and a control freak. And I heard you yelling at those other people in the other exam room. It’s cuz of them I’m sending you a letter. Not this letter, but another one.

Fuck you Mr. Doctor.




  1. OMG that is insane. I am SO sorry you had to go through that!! Have you considered reporting him?

  2. OMG! I have crohn's too and I have been having THE worst time with THE worst doctors too!! I have just thrown big tantrums and am now seeing a top Dr but is in another state 5 hours drive away..but so worth it. I have spent the last few months in and out of hosp...poor you...I am feeling your pain. I really hope everything is ok? Katrina x

  3. i'm mad for you, and thank god you went out and found a better doctor.

    i've never heard of a doctor getting mad about the team approach or a patient being proactive about their care. what the hell.

    take care or yourself.

  4. Kimberly @greenboxhomesApril 22, 2010 at 11:35 AM

    DeeDee, I am so upset for you. Having to sit there bravely to get what you need and want (CAT scan), and having to deal with his bullshit. As my mom would say: what a 'stupid ass' that doctor is! She loves that phrase and it applies here.

    I am so glad you found someone else who can actually care for you. Wishing for wellness for you.

  5. What an unprofessional jerk! Maybe you should send him this letter too, and report him. I'm glad you found a doc who works for you and not for himself.

  6. I am really sorry you had to go through that. I think there are some doctors who honestly think they are gods. If you read my blog, you will see I have had similar experiences. I took my cat to the vet and he got the kind, gentle, compassionate care that we deserve! I am glad you found a new doctor and I hope you send a letter to god-wanna-be.

    Lori (treehugster) :)

  7. Wow! I have dealt with some asshole doctors, but that is unreal. I'm glad you found someone better. (And while your story horrifies me, you made me laugh because you are so funny!)

  8. Thanks for laughing! Cuz I sure as shit wanted to cry in the moment. But I'm over him now. And I am doing fine (no icky things on Cat Scan - which btw, I celebrated with some much deserved vodka!)

    Kimberly - thanks for the stupid ass. Lori - the Vet thing really made me think! (One of my best friends is a vet, and you are right, she is so loving!)

    Katrina, I'm so sorry you are going through this! All I can tell ya is: I've been there Baby and it SUCKSSSSS!


  9. What a flipping wanker! So glad you found somebody else!! :-). Nobody deserves that kinda treatment! I love your sense of humor btw!

  10. Dolores - I believe Wanker is a completely underused word. Thank you for bringing it my attention. Oh, and I love you! Dee Dee

  11. Some doctors forget they are your employee - you (and the insurance company if you're lucky) PAY THEM, ergo, they work FOR you. They often need to be reminded of this. You should send the letter to him and a copy to the AMA, the state licensing board, and anybody else you can think of. Good luck, babe.

  12. Good job Dee! What a schmuck. Maybe your letter will give him pause, if only for a moment.


  13. All I can say, working in medicine....AMEN! You are SMART enough to know you DONT have to have a DOCTOR like this one....bravo!


Tell me what ya think, babe!