Monday, April 19, 2010

Who Are You? And What Have You Done With My Daughter Dammit?

I've heard people talk about the difficult tween years. But THOSE parents have problems with their children because they aren't “in-tune”, they aren’t really cool, connected parents. They haven’t done years (okay dammit, decades) of therapy.

They could have a better handle on their kids. I mean my daughter is 10 and she is fabulous: great student, sweet kid, tomboy, soccer player, devoted to her little sister (cuz they don't get playdates, so who else are they going to hang out with), a loving little cuddle bug.


It happened overnight. This past weekend as a matter of fact. I've never seen such sobbing cuz it is 8:00 a.m. and she's not quite ready for school yet.

Or the crying because she lost her book. Or the pouting cuz there is foam on her milk in the morning. Or the complaining that there are too many apple slices in her lunch. Or the howling that “My sister won’t quit looking at me”. (Oh wait, maybe that is me howling?)

Oh, and she knows everything. I am trying to tell her how to clean the toilet: "I know Mom. I know, I know."

Really? She knows? When the fuck has she ever cleaned a damned thing in this house, let alone A TOILET?!? She’s going to clean the toilet like she cleans her room? What, she’s going to hide all the toilet dirt IN THE HAMPER, UNDER THE DIRTY CLOTHES?

Who is this overwrought (somewhat sweaty) child, who now hates bathing, has her eyes locked in a permanent eye-rolling position, wearing size 12 skinny jeans?

And what the fuck has she done with MY daughter?


  1. my oldest is 12 in june -- a boy -- and OMG the "i know, i know." the moodiness. the eye rolling. the whining.

    i'm kicking him out. soon as he gets home from school.

  2. LOL replace 10yr old DD with 8yr old DS! He "knows" everything apparently and ANY little thing sets him off into tears or stomping to the other room "I NEED TO BE ALONE!!".

    Ahhh aren't children awesome.

  3. I'm sorry I have no words of encouragement for you. I am the mother of a 16-year-old. The drama began around 10 or 11 and it doesn't show any signs of slowing down yet.

  4. Ahhh crap. I think mine's bad enough at 8. I don't want to know how worse it gets. *clamps hands firmly over ears*

  5. I know how you feel. My daughter is twelve. If she was an adult, and not my child, I'd knock her block off.

  6. Mine is almost 10 and we've had a lot of the same. It seems to come and go right now. I dread the next few years.

  7. It gets better. a view from the OTHER side of mommying...

  8. i wish i could tell you it gets better...

  9. I swear to God, I never thought I'd believe in medication for kids, but SOMEONE in this house needs to take SOMETHING. Oh wait, maybe it's me!

    So fucking scared to hear this doesn't get much better. Hold me . . . Dee Dee

  10. OK, so this means the gay boys next door (that would be ME & the Dr.) needs to stock up on vodka and cosmo mix... YOU are instructed to walk next door as needed to 1) escape 2) vent and 3) drink a few martinis - Doctor's orders!

  11. "She’s going to clean the toilet like she cleans her room? What, she’s going to hide all the toilet dirt IN THE HAMPER, UNDER THE DIRTY CLOTHES?"

    That about sums it up! So hilarious because it's so true and on the what the hell is up w/ my daughter..I'm just waiting to get smacked in the face. My 6.5 YO is so damn touchy it's ridiculous! I am terrified to hit 12 (but now you've got me shaking in my boots to hot 10)!


Tell me what ya think, babe!