So here's my new "Best of" because I wanted to share my joy and laughter. Or, I was just too lazy to write another blog after my Birthday martinis!
Now some of these Tweets got major RT action, some didn't (which I'm still bitter about that BTW), and others involve you (you know who I'm talking to)!
I love a flat iron that sets off the smoke detector. #HotHairImplementsRock #GoingBald
Who knew so many women ran the risk of conflagration for beauty?
If I don’t get up from the computer and pee, then maybe I should just add Depends to my grocery list. #Tweettoomuch
Ah, if only it wasn't true!
I am thinking about keeping a salt shaker in my nightstand, so I have it handy when I'm hiding in the bedroom eating potato salad.
So nice to know that I'm not the only Mommy hiding out with her stash!
Then my #Mom2Summit bitter, bitter rant. How could there be a party and me not be invited, let alone know about it (of course we are correcting that with...#bloggybootcamp)
#mom2summit I hope all you girls had fun. No really, I mean it. I'm glad you got to do this for yourselves. Good for you. #Don'tReallyMeanIt
#mom2summit Reading all your tweets and weeping softly into my tissue, ah, sleeve, I want to play with you next year. #juniorhighflashback
Yah, that was just a sample of my bitterness since it went on all night (and I can't even blame alcohol since Vodka had nothing to do with it!)
Unlike these drunken tweets - Don't judge me! Oh, go ahead, I am! #headpounding
It started innocently enough (well... maybe not quite so innocent)
I'm going @mommyisdating What the fuck else do you need? #bloggybootcamp @craftycmc is going too. There will be cheetos, swearing and vodka. #itisallgood
@mommyisdating u should check with @ taxes007 about taking tests while drunk. He loves to do taxes over wine! Can u say big refund?
@mommyisdating: I am to be a respected CPA and @thedeeview says I shouldn't engage like this. Ah "F" it I love to b out there!
@craftycmc: New Rule: Neither of you is allowed to tweet drunk @taxes007 @thedeeview #willhavetocleanupinmorning
Followed by: @taxes007 and @craftycmc just made me pee my pants. Goddamit. #needtochangepanties
And finally the misery was ended with...
@craftycmc Please call if we are not off Twitter in 5 minutes. By call ... I mean call 911. #setthefuckingtimer
But enough about me... Wait, did I really just say that? Anyway here are few of the fav Tweets from my favs Tweeps:
@shaunaglenn: Just so you know...It's 10 days until my 40th birthday. 40! Surely that's a typo on my birth certificate right? RIGHT???
And real life changing observations:
@MiddleAgedMomma: Grandkid put a penny in the toilet. Learned 2 things: 1) our toilet doesn't flush pennies 2) no one wants a penny bad enough to go after it.
@RenegadeMoms: Im making chile for dinner because I like my house to smell like farts all night. #fartsarealwaysfunny #blametheDog
@redheadwriting: I take a perverse pleasure in closing unnecessary windows on my desktop. It's my own little private click war. #cagefight
Alright, that's it for today... I have a life you know!
Oh, who am I kidding, I just want to get back to my sweet Twitter!
Leave comments, compete to be included in the next installment, or go RT my blog shout out…
It's up to you!
(I'm a giver that way!)