Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I Have An Old Pussy

Sweet, tight, hot, juicy. Not so much anymore. First there are the erratic periods. Then the motherfucking hot flashes. Then there is the trip to the gyno and the blood tests. And the confirmation: Yes @TheDeeView, you are indeed drying up like the old withered prune that you think you are.

And then, in case there is any doubt, the orgasms change. They get harder to "come" by (and frankly, mine were always work. I was never multi-orgasmic at the thought of a big-hard pulsating dick. I needed attention.) (Unless of course, it was with my husband, just the thought of my husband made me clench and scream with joy. In case he is reading this, you know?)

But nothing mattered as much to me as the all consuming, horror of the hot flashes. (Please see www.TheDeeView.blogspot.com for more detailed descriptions of my descent into aging hell.) So after about 6 months of suffering (The Sweet Blessed Virgin Mary never suffered so much) I went on Hormone Replacement Therapy.

You younger women might ask if I am afraid of the side effects. You bet your sweet ass I am. But what is a suffering girl to do?

The hot flashes stopped. And the orgasms are ah, excellent.

So what if I speak out of one side of my mouth? My pussy is all hot and juicy again.

So what if I get breast cancer. My pussy will be tight and moist again.

My cognitive skills may be diminished slightly, but I come like a fire hydrant mowed down by a teenage driver.

Actually, just writing this makes me a little moist down there. Or did I just pee a little bit in my panties?

Ahh, I still have an old pussy.

6 comments:

  1. Way to earn your vag badge! (I just stole mine.) Old or not, you have a pussy! Celebrate!

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  2. haaaaa. New reader, new follower on twitter. I luff you. You are hysterical, lady. :)

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  3. I love it. Oh and my mom's on hormone replacements and doing wonderful. She's a guru now on them, and wants all of us to get our hormone levels tested and what nots. Oh and she is also taking something to help with the "brain farts" as she has called them, for a lot longer than anyone else I have ever known. (Talking at least 13 years now) She had to get the hormones finally because one Thanksgiving she almost killed everyone. It was scary and hilarious at the same time. Okay sorry!
    I'm glad my vag post made you laugh. I couldn't think of any other way to talk about my vagina, because honestly, I haven't seen the damn thing in a LONG TIME.
    Love your blog love your tweets!

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